I sort of asked for this book under a false impression. When I first suggested to my nearest and dearest that Santa might like to deliver it for Christmas I thought (based on the title alone) that it was a book about games that were planned, but never saw the light of day (a print companion to something like Frank Gasking’s Games That Weren’t website). In fact, it goes even further than that. The games in question were never even floated as possible ideas. Indeed, they have never been anything more than the product of author Nate Crowley’s mind.
Let me explain. Instead of writing a proper book about proper old games, Mr. Crowley decided to take a more left-field turn and make up some games. Then he wrote some stuff about them. This probably sounds to you like a very odd premise for a book- and you’d be absolutely right. The result is an insane mix of crazy ideas, made up games, imaginary development houses and fake screenshots. It has no right to work. It should be a disaster. It should have gamers jumping up and down protesting about being made fun of. Yet somehow it doesn’t.
On the evidence of this book, all I can say is that Nate Crowley’s mind is a very odd place – and I mean that in the nicest possible sense. Some of the game concepts he comes up with are odd, surreal, weird, stupid and (just occasionally) all too plausible. He clearly has a pretty decent knowledge of both game design tropes and gaming systems, which helps the book to retain an authentic feel, even when you know it’s all completely made up.
Many of his “games” are based around well-known genres combined with a bizarre, random element (for example, a management sim that revolves around keeping both a cat and a space station happy and operational or a resource management sim based around Noah’s Ark). This mix of plausibility and stupidity helps to stop the book from ever quite becoming either too serious or too ridiculous and gives it sufficient scope to introduce some really daft ideas.
Each entry follows a similar format – a two-page profile of the “game” providing an overview of what it was about, followed by a short “verdict” on its impact, playability or importance to gaming history. The book gets extra marks because each main entry is accompanied by some spurious (and equally fake) artwork, including “screenshots”, “cassette inlays” and “adverts”. OK, so some of these are little more than photo-shopped versions of real games (Kabage, for example, looks very like a Marble Madness or Spindizzy screenshot with a cabbage substituted for the player’s avatar). Most, however, have been done from scratch.
The text itself is often very funny, although this obviously comes with the caveat that humour is a very personal thing. Happily, my brain clearly operates on a similar level to Mr. Crowley’s (this is probably a fact that should worry both of us) and I appreciated the dry, tongue in cheek, surreal (and sometimes stupid) humour. There were many, many times when the book made me laugh out loud, much to the dismay of Mrs. RetroReactiv8, who doesn’t understand the appeal of real computer games, let alone made-up ones. Not all the entries work, but on the whole there are far more hits than misses (Star Trek: Bee on the Bridge and Work Kitchen Anecdote Bastard were particular highlights for me). Some of the developer names were particularly inspired (and again, often all-too-plausible).
Of course, the crux of this book really lies in whether or not you get Nate Crowley’s humour. If you have an appreciation of gaming history and possess a slightly off-beat sense of humour (and are willing to laugh at how pointless (conceptually) the idea of gaming is), then you will find much to like. If you don’t share Crowley’s surreal way of looking at the world, the book might come across as childish or stupid (a view which is likely to be reinforced by the book’s frequent (and often unnecessary) use of profanity, particularly the “F” word). On the whole, though, I’d say that if you’re a gamer, you’ll certainly find something within these pages to raise a smile.
It’s certainly a book that benefits from being dipped into rather than reading from cover to cover. I found it best to read a few entries a day, then put the book down and read something else. If you read it like a normal book and just plough through from beginning to end, you’ll start to spot certain patterns, or be hit by the realization that some of the ideas are repeated with a slightly different focus (but then isn’t that also true of real gaming, where the same basic concepts are endlessly repackaged with new graphics, sound, characters and plots?)
I’ve read lots of books on retro gaming over the years, but this one was very refreshing thanks to its different approach and silly humour. It’s a clever title that combines plausibility with silliness and which takes a fond look at gaming, whilst simultaneously poking fun at the whole industry. Definitely worth a read.